The Good Wife Finds Herself In A DILF Sandwich

Driven To Destruction

Alert Type: Bleeding-Edge Tech Alert.

Issue: A woman named Wendy Searle was paralyzed in a car accident and is suing both the driver -- Tim Brewster -- and Charles Ephraham, CEO of the company that manufactured the car he was in...

Complicating Factors: ...because Wendy's car was struck by a driverless car called the T-Portable; Tim claims he wasn't able to override the car's controls at the time of the accident. Tim, who was an engineer at T-Portable, is being represented by Cary and Diane, though since Ephraham is their REAL client, Louis -- who's representing Wendy -- advises him in the elevator to get his own attorney, and gives him Alicia's card.

Look how excited Diane is to be opposing Alicia again!

Resolution: After bringing in Anthony Dudewitz, the car's very bitter designer and a (repeatedly) self-described genius, and going on a drive in the car with him in which they follow the same route Tim took and Tim describes what happened at the time of the accident, Dudewitz figures out what happened: Tim's engineer colleagues at the company hacked the car's software to mess with him and, after the accident, wiped the car's hard drive to conceal their actions. But before we get there, we have to sit through all kinds of bullshit about whether Wendy -- THE VICTIM -- is a safe driver, and whether Dudewitz is to be trusted if he's given a paranoid TED Talk (which Jason has seen) about the likelihood that artificial intelligence is soon to make humanity obsolete.

Speculation: Midway through the case, Diane muses to Cary that they should start treating Alicia as an ally rather than an opponent, which ends up having been a good strategy: could this mean I'll get my wish and that relations between Diane and Alicia are on their way to a thaw again, please oh please?

Favour Called In

Remember back in Episode 2 when Frank Landau agreed to help Alicia rehabilitate her image but in exchange demanded that she take a seat on the Election Board and vote the way he told her to? Well, you'll never guess what. "No on the first vote, don't forget," hisses Frank as he walks behind Alicia's seat to take his. Alicia gets a polite round of applause upon her introduction as the Board's newest member, and then Landau immediately calls for a vote on whether they should switch using the voting machines from a company called KLT and start using ones from a company called Swann Systems. The vote is deadlocked 3-3...

...with Alicia looking around like an idiot as she abstains. Frank does not care for this development.

This other Board guy, Hallman, tells Alicia she doesn't have to vote and Alicia faintly says she doesn't know what the issue is, as though that matters in Chicago politics. "Mrs. Florrick, do you want to vote?" demands Landau. Alicia:

This time, Alicia has the sense to vote the way she ALREADY AGREED TO, and Hallman turns on Frank: "You bought her!" Then he turns on Alicia for being dishonest, which, fair cop. As the fight swirls around her...

...Alicia doesn't really help her cause by looking SHIFTY AF.

Not Sleeping With The Kind-Of-Enemy

Alicia's just run into Jason in the hall outside her apartment -- giving him some new work and making a date to "talk," about "everything," that night at 7 -- when she gets a call from Eli, wanting to know if any reporters have called her. When she says no, he adds that if she does hear from any, she can't answer: "Vice is reporting that you and Peter have not shared a bed in three years."

The truth hurts! Peter. Probably. (I don't think Eli would have leaked this himself just to damage Peter because it would mean taking down Alicia too, but if we find out in a later episode that he did, no one's going to be surprised, right?)

Bitches Get Stuff Done

Waiting to go into a meeting with Tim at Lockhart Agos Lee, Lucca wonders about Alicia's life before they were friendlyish.

Smoking J

Who's on a date? Alicia and Jason, kind of. They're definitely each drinking one of Alicia's apparently very strong cocktails. And Jason, being Jason, can't help calling out the novelty of the situation, to wit...

Where has she taken him? "This must be serious. We're in your kitchen."

Are things headed in a horizontal direction? Not at first: she dances around the subject before he finally asks what she wants to say, and she takes off to her office.

Honestly, that gesture alone would have me pulling my dress over my head when I came back, but Alicia's on a mission, and explains that, for insurance purposes, she needs him to sign a release for liability. "In case I beat someone up?" he grins. She covers by mentioning the possibility that he could trip on her stairs or cut himself or something, but they both know those examples are fake. Jason asks what will happen if he doesn't sign it. She asks why he wouldn't, and he shrugs, "I don't like signing things." And then, of course, while she's in the middle of apologizing that their firm is small, he signs it and hands it back. She apologizes hoarsely for being untrusting, but he says he gets it; she's running a business.

And then I guess she gets a glimpse of him bringing sexy back in his glasses because she suddenly suggests that they have dinner. As the wife of a sitting governor and just-announced presidential candidate, they obviously can't go out -- not that either of them even floats the possibility -- so she's not-that-smoothly offering frozen pizza (hasn't got any) or frozen mini tacos (not expired!) when the doorbell rings. She assumes it's someone from her wash-and-fold coming to pick up her laundry...

...but it isn't. Alicia's been dodging calls all day from Eli trying to ask/tell her about it, but Peter's coming to stay with her! I guess that'll shut up those jerks at Vice? Jason comes out of the kitchen, and while everyone is very adult as introductions are made -- Jason truly rises above by telling Peter he's been a great governor...

...it's clear Peter, at least, thinks things were going in a horizontal direction before his box-blocking ass showed up.

Turning The Paige

Rage Against The Machines But In Favour Of The Other Machines

Who called the meeting? That dude Hallman from the Election Board.

What's it about? ...the Election Board, obviously, since they have nothing else to talk about.

How'd it go? Hallman arrives full of fire and brimstone: he's going to ask Landau to stand down, and nominate Alicia to take over as Chair, but he needs her to vote against KLT. Alicia tells him she doesn't want to be Chair, so Hallman speeches at her for a while: "Mrs. Florrick, corruption doesn't start out there [duh, bro, look around: her ILLINOIS GOVERNOR husband has set up shop in her crib, it is literally probably in the middle of happening in here]. It doesn't start in D.C. or Springfield; it starts here, in you and me, and only if we let it happen. So don't. It's as easy as that. Just don't." Jason's already looking into KLT for Alicia so that she can make an informed vote, so it's a good meeting for Hallman in the sense that she was already leaning away from Landau anyway?

As Alicia and Peter get undressed in a very unromantic way, he jokes, "Next stop, Lincoln Bedroom" -- that is, if something goes wrong with Hillary or, in a very obvious ADRed addition, "Bernie." After he's turned on the radio -- "Are you planning on making noise?" she asks; "Just in case," he replies lasciviously -- they're about to get down to business when his phone rings, and he checks it.

Twenty minutes later (I assume), Eli is stalking through the apartment looking for Peter.

And then Eli can be ignored no longer.

Peter takes the donor call Eli's brought him, leaving Eli to be scandalized at Alicia alone.

It's Birthday O'Clock Somewhere

What's the occasion? Grace's fake birthday, a hasty celebration of which has been thrown together for the purpose of showcasing the Florricks' very happy, totally normal marriage to Courtney Paige.

What are the refreshments? Coffee, red wine, fraudulent cake.

Whose big public scene will everyone be talking about tomorrow? Jackie, with Howard in tow, blows straight past both Florrick gatekeepers pacing in the hallway and bursting into the apartment to announce that Howard proposed. Alicia:

Also, Jackie's casual racism.

As Peter tries to keep his head from exploding at Jackie's announcement, Alicia finds Eli sitting off to the side and offers him a drink. "Or a gun," he snorts. "Oh, just give up, Eli," she coos. "Bad things happen, or they don't. But there's just too much craziness in the world." "Like you and Peter?" he asks. Alicia says "the old me" would be provoked by that remark, but "the new me" doesn't care -- so sure: "Like me and Peter." I'm not really sure what outcome Eli is hoping these two arrive at or what agenda he's pursuing anymore, but can't he at least be happy that his boss recently got some? She is!

As Jackie and Howard are making their way out, Eli is looking for wine in the kitchen when Courtney comes in, admitting that she doesn't know anything about wine either: "I still am a Houston girl. My drink of choice? Any soda with the word 'cherry' in it." Word. Regarding him, she advises, "Don't worry so much." "You're the second person to tell me that tonight," muses Eli. "Well, then, it must be true," she smiles. Maybe ELI should get some? This nice lady seems like a great option.

The doorbell rings again, and when Alicia gets it, she's dismayed to see Landau there, particularly since he's immediately combative with her: "What are you doing." Alicia can't with this after the stupid night she's had, and when he starts in with what he knows about her meeting with Hallman, she shoots back what she's learned from Jason: that KLT is owned by a shell corporation of which Landau's wife is a part owner. "I can hurt you," murmurs Landau. "I can hurt Peter." Alicia merrily calls out to the Secret Service agents posted in the hall who might not have heard what Landau just said, but he says he doesn't mean bodily harm: "You can recover from being physically hurt." He also tells her that his opponent's hands aren't clean either: "Your new little friend Hallman's part owner of Swann Systems. Nobody's innocent here. So you either vote for me or him. Good luck with that." Whoooooo caaaaaaaaaaaaaares.

The day after "Grace's" "birthday" party, Eli runs into Courtney in the hall at the office. She wants to go chat in his office, which he heads off for obvious reasons by lying that it's being cleaned. She thanks him for inviting her to the Florricks', and he apologizes that it was so "eventful." Courtney's okay with that: "I like events. No reason to apologize to me for that." She also formed an impression of the Florricks: "I thought they were boring....Like a real married couple. I'm going to back Peter." We all know this candidacy isn't and can't go anywhere, but...yay?

And then we're back at the Election Board. Alicia is watchful as Landau and Hallman battle back and forth, but when Hallman tries to get her to speak up, Landau regards her pointedly, and she tries to hedge by saying she thinks the two of them have issues. Shockingly, this doesn't get her out of voting, which once again ends up 3-3 with Alicia the lone holdout, but then...

Wait, we're ending on a cliffhanger, and it's THAT? When Alicia almost opened up her mini taco box for Jason? And instead we're back with this fucking snooze? WHO GIVES A SHIT?!