When Gloria Steinem Tells A Woman To Do Something, She Kind Of Has To Do It

Some Trials Are More Of A Trial Than Others

Celebrate...Times, Come On!

Here's some of what we learn about Cary's latest escapades based on what he actually says, and what he wistfully remembers, during his first meeting with Joy.

Cary doesn't need any pamphlets on substance abuse/treatment because since he's been out, he's only had one beer when he was at a celebration with some co-workers, which is code for "sex with Kalinda pressed up against a window"!

Though Cary tells Joy he hasn't had any big disagreements at work, we see that, actually, he's been in the middle of at least one really loud partners' meeting...

...and that Alicia in particular is pissed at him for wanting to do something that might alienate all the Lockhart Gardner Canning department heads who defected along with Diane and Dean!

Joy wants to impress upon Cary that he can't live life the way he used to before his arrest: "You can't just have a beer, you can't just associate with your old friends. You need to treat this seriously, or you will end up behind bars again." OH NOES, I SURE HOPE CARY DOESN'T GET INCARCERATED AGAIN, he's everyone's favourite character! (He's not.)

Sowing Seeds Of Unrest

You Can't Spell "Fleeing The Jurisdiction" Without "CI"

Situation: The prosecution's case against Cary may fall apart because their key witness -- Trey Wagner, the CI who wore a wire -- has disappeared.

What makes it awkward? Cary thinks Kalinda had something to do with Trey's disappearance, and not that she bought him a bus ticket to St. Louis.

How is order restored? For the time being, Diane has the sense not to ask Kalinda what part she might have had in Trey's departure from the area because she doesn't want to suborn perjury. But Cary has no such qualms and asks Kalina straight up whether she threatened Trey. She says she didn't. Cary presses, asking whether she told Bishop about Trey, at which Kalinda warns Cary that he doesn't want to know the answer. Hey, do you two ever wonder if maybe you shouldn't be seeing each other for any of about five thousand reasons?

The Way We Were

The increasingly acrimonious arguments in court have led Ed and the defendant, Wendell Keller, to seek each other out in the hall outside the courtroom and discuss the trial without their lawyers. They aren't interested in making things so ugly: they're both farmers, and neighbours, and instead of a trial, they'd like to pursue arbitration. Cary, coming upon their little chat, warns them that arbitration can be every bit as bitter as a trial, and it's also legally binding. But Wendell and Ed have a different approach! A quirky approach! (No, not Elsbeth Tascioni. I WISH.)

It Is Right To Give Him Thanks And Maize

Cary Once Again Faces Castr-ation

When Diane meets up with Finn in bond court, she's pretty sure it's going to be about delaying the preliminary hearing. She wishes! No: the State's Attorney is pursuing the revocation of Cary's bail on the grounds that there's evidence Cary intimidated Trey, like, the second he got out of lockup -- because Joy's preliminary notes say Cary met with Kalinda, and that she then approached Trey and -- according to the State's Attorney's theory -- intimidated Trey into leaving the area (or worse). "They're gonna get me one way or another," Cary whines at Diane. Dude, I'm starting to think you really did do something, but even if you didn't, the whole movie discussion group was something you probably could have avoided, so let's try taking some responsibility for being a fucking dope, huh?

"I'M NOT RUNNING...right now, shhhhhh"

Alert Type: Florrick Campaign Alert, Part IV.

Issue: Stories keep leaking about Alicia's intention to run for State's Attorney -- and this time, it's gotten so serious that reporters are calling Diane to ask about Alicia staffing up her campaign office.

Complicating Factors: Alicia doesn't want to run...or does she?

Resolution: Alicia assures everyone who mentions it to her -- including Castro, who shittily informs her that "very few saints survive oppo research" -- that she is really and truly not running...

Spoiler: ...but one person she talks to makes her reconsider.

What A Friend We Suddenly Both Have In Jesus

The challenge of arguing a case in Christian arbitration -- where opposing counsel Schmidt is fucking shit up by kissing up to the arbitrator with a bunch of bullshit about how, if the seeds maybe just innocently blew onto Wendell's property, then might it not just be "part of God's plan?" -- has forced Alicia to do the unthinkable: talk to Grace. With Grace's help, Alicia identifies a verse that supports her position, which is that intent is irrelevant to patent suits/sin, so that even if the wind explanation is true (which it isn't), Wendell still can't win. They also predict which verses Schmidt might come back with, but when Alicia's like, well, that's taken care of, peace, Grace tells Alicia that finding one solitary Bible verse to support her position doesn't mean she's going to be bulletproof at her next meeting. Alicia tries to lawyer that she must be okay if Christians believe that everything in the Bible is true, and then turns the discussion to her actual child's beliefs, and whether Grace thinks the Bible is the literal word of God. Grace carefully says she doesn't know if it's all historically accurate, but that she can believe in the Bible's being true in a different way, like a poem; she explains, "If I wanted you to remember that God created everything, I'd probably tell you a story about it happening in seven days. Like, that doesn't mean that it actually happened in seven days -- it just means that I wanted you to remember that God created everything." Alicia acts like this is an insight about religion she's never ever heard before and not pretty much exactly what any reasonable person of faith will tell you is their framework for belief. Anyway, it's a nice enough moment of Alicia trying to understand her daughter and Grace meeting her on her terms, but that doesn't mean I need to see Grace again for at least five more episodes.

Hey, Boo

Hearing Dean easily throw out scripture in their session leads Alicia to question him about his religious background, acting all surprised about it as if she knows ANYTHING about Dean other than that he likes vests.

Outrageous Acts And Everyday Rebellions

Starstruck from her chance meeting with Gloria Steinem, Alicia starts fantasizing even MORE effusive exhortations to run! "You could make it all the way to the Supreme Court, Alicia! You're that amazing!"

When a forensic botanist testifies that 89% of the seed in Wendell's fields is Ed's, Ed directly addresses him and gently tells him they both know Wendell's been replanting! Wendell admits that it's true, but that he had no choice, because Ed's seed had taken over the whole area! In light of this SHOCKING ADMISSION, the lawyers all go nuts...but Ed and Wendell exchange a Significant Look, walk a few feet away, and negotiate their own settlement, sealing it with a handshake witnessed by Cary! Let's call this a Win for JESUS!

Diane presents an alternative theory as to Trey's disappearance! Even though Trey's wife Stacie had previously testified that "an Indian woman" told him someone was going to kill him, Diane's got CCTV footage of Stacie fooling around with some other dude Ellison who had an extensive rap sheet -- and that they'd been seeing each other for a year! Hey, maybe STACIE wanted a new life, and this ELLISON made it happen!

After a post-Christian arbitration chat with Dean allows Alicia to reiterate for us that she doesn't think she's "genetically built to believe in God," Eli comes in and tells her Peter has to endorse someone for State's Attorney the next day, and his only option is going to be Castro! He agrees with her that Castro is "a bad man," but that Peter has to back a winner, and that "sometimes the world needs bad men," unless Alicia has another name! DOES SHE??!!???!?!?

Fantasy Gloria Steinem seems to think maybe Alicia does! In fact, Fantasy Gloria Steinem says, "Alicia, I'm tired. I need you to take over for me!"

Diane gets her chance to talk to Joy and tell her a bunch of bullshit about Cary's secure job and the firm's healthy finances! (That last part is kind of true in that an expansion of the office to the floor above is being paid for thanks to a personal loan by Diane and Dean to the firm!) Joy is still unimpressed by everyone!

Then, in bond court, after Joy's notes have been thrown around hither and yon, Joy gets the chance to present her actual finished report on Cary! She says that since he's a former State's Attorney who prosecuted a lot of the inmates he'd be incarcerated with, which would make him a flight risk, but she also thinks he's "fighting for his business, determined to get his life back"! She adds, "It is my opinion that he knew enough of the risks to not intimidate or order the intimidation of any witness"! Cary should, in her view, remain free on bail, and the judge agrees! Yay, I guess!

On her way through the symbolic shadows, Alicia runs into Castro, and asks if he has anything to say! He says he doesn't! She's pretty sure "men always have something to say!" He says he'll have lots to say after he puts Cary away! "If you're still in office!" chirps Alicia. "So that's why you're running," says Castro. Alicia starts to walk off when Castro calls after her that she's probably still pissed at him because her "lover" (ew) got "gunned down in one of [his] courts -- that's the rumour, anyway!" He knows all about her history with Will, and thinks she's running out of a desire for retribution! "Anything else?" asks Alicia icily. Castro says he'll save it for the campaign! "Talk to you," snaps Alicia, and stomps off, wig a-flapping!

And then Alicia's stomping through the corridors of power and right into Eli's office! "If I ran, what's the plan?" MORE RHYMING, FOR A START!!!!!