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Ask A Woman Who Just Married Into The Family Of A Dictator
The newest member of the Al Fayeed family shares her unique perspective!
I've been happily seeing my boyfriend Bobby for a little over a year without any kind of "in-law drama," mostly because his parents lived on the other side of the country; I had actually only met them once, last Thanksgiving. But recently they've retired, and moved into a beachfront condo about an hour's drive away from us. Now there are constant invitations to visit, and they always want us to come up and stay over for the weekend. Bobby is keen to see them often, but I am starting to feel a little pressed by their expectations; I work all week and have come to feel my weekends are an important time for me to recharge my batteries. Then there's the matter that Bobby's mother has very strong political opinions, almost all of which are the opposite of mine. How can I get Bobby to understand my position and quit making me join him to grin awkwardly through yet another claustrophobic weekend?
- Cheryl
I am sure that, to you and your friends, these problems are very serious. You have a demanding job that requires you to take "week-ends" to restore your mental energy. I wish I could have ever had a job -- now I certainly never will. You hold political opinions that do not coincide with your man-friend's mother's: I surmise from this that in your country, more than one political opinion is permitted? Finally, if the worst thing your partner's parent does is make you feel uncomfortable about privately disagreeing with her views, then I would like to talk to you about trading lives. Maybe after your mother-in-law rapes you in the bathroom at your wedding reception, you will appreciate how good you had it when you wrote me this letter. All that said: you might as well try speaking honestly to Bobby about your misgivings, provided that he is not in a position to have you tortured or imprisoned for your boldness.
I'm fortunate to live in a very safe neighborhood in a major city, which has many obvious advantages but, for me, one big setback: there are lots of families with kids on my block, and their parents seem to have no control over them whatsoever. Don't get me wrong -- I'm no proponent of helicopter parenting, and I think it's great that these kids can have the experience of playing in the street like my friends and I did when we were growing up in the early '80s. But they don't seem to have developed healthy fears, in the sense of having an awareness of danger; lots of times when I've been driving, they've run out in front of my car, which has given me a lot of anxiety about just trying to leave my street; they also seem not to have been taught normal sidewalk courtesy, which can be irritating when I'm trying to walk my dog. I don't have any desire to discipline other people's kids, but things can't go on this way. What would you suggest I do?
- Bridget
It can be very nerve-wracking when children put themselves in the path of your vehicle. I know from experience because it recently happened to me. The difference is that the children in my country weren't playing, and maybe have never known what "playing" is; instead, they stopped the car I was riding in so that they could approach with machine guns and take me hostage to try to force the state controlled by my new family to try to exchange me for the freedom of one of their brothers, who is incarcerated on what I'm sure were perfectly reasonable charges that led to a just conviction. It's not quite the same situation you have been faced with, but I can empathize. Perhaps you could start by making overtures to the heads of whichever family lives nearest to you, with a social call -- including a delicious snack to share! -- to find common ground with at least one set of parents; then you can work your way up to "I'm afraid that one day I am going to run over your son with my car because he doesn't know how to look both ways." In my experience, parents do not like having deficiencies in their methods pointed out to them, though, so prepare for your concerns to fall on very offended ears and plan to play a long game. Ruffians always get their just deserts in the end. Maybe the ones on your block won't get shot like dogs in the street, but then again, maybe they will.
Settle an argument between my friend Francine and me. How important is it really to make sure your lingerie is on point at all times? I mean, I would never wear a busted old stretched-out sports bra on a date, but I was stopping by Francine's the other morning to bring her a bacon egg and cheese when she was hung-over on a Sunday morning and she got annoyed that she could see my raggedy bra when I bent over. I was just going to go back home and pay bills after I saw her: should I have really put on a matching set just to watch a couple of old SVUs with her?
- Catherine
In a way, I understand Francine's point, in that you literally never know when you wake up in the morning what kind of a turn your day may take and who might end up staring at your brassiere when your blouse falls open in the back of a supermarket during a standoff with the military when you thought you were just going to be keeping a vigil at the bedside of your sexually predatory father-in-law after he just got his penis almost bitten off and then rolled his car down a hillside. But how important it is to you that you display your breasts to their best advantage at all times, including mortal danger, is really none of Francine's business.