Under The Dome Throws A Three-Way Battle: Science Vs. Magic Vs. Love

Drones vs. The Resistance

We've barely had a chance to confirm that True Love's Kiss really did cause Barbie to snap out of his Kinshipitis and that neither is mad at the other for the murder threats/torture/choking because you know how it is, we move back to the funeral home, still under siege by a crowd of drones. Big Jim seems inordinately concerned about this given that (a) most of the drones are only armed with torches, and (b) they're not really moving that fast, but whatever: he arms Hunter and Norrie and shows them where to aim, and just in case we got the idea that there is any area in which this show isn't a complete failure, the character in the scene who has a hard time working a gun is THE GIRL, of course. Big Jim has to show her how to take the safety off, like I guess she's never seen a movie before, and then we're basically watching a videogame as the shooters in the house pick off the hordes advancing on it, and I guess the drones really are just meant to take up space and protect Christine's royal court because as far as we can tell none of them got the idea of trying to get into the house from the back, because none of the members of The Resistance are anywhere near it...

...and thus are completely shocked when a bunch of Aktaion goons busts in -- but not just Aktaion goons: also Hektor Martin himself! He wants to take them to safety! For some reason, Norrie and Hunter and Big Jim all hesitate like they think they have unlimited stores of ammunition to keep pouring into these relentless non-human foes! But sure, guys, YOU CAN AFFORD TO BE SUSPICIOUS!

Winner: No they can't. Hektor Martin wins this one handily.

"I Mean, I Guess I Would Still Get You Pink Balloons, But Like..."

Situation: Barbie is expecting a baby with Eva.

What makes it awkward? Barbie is expecting a baby. Julia knows he should be expecting a tiny queen to take over from Christine, and has to be the one to tell him not only that, but also that Christine manipulated Barbie into boning Eva.

How is order restored? Briefly? Julia decides not to press the matter by telling Barbie all the crazy shit she heard on Christine's voice recorder, cheerfully shrugging, "At least we have nine months to figure it out!" They don't, actually -- but never mind; right now the more pressing issue is that the funeral home where Julia left The Resistance was set on fire while she was gone and everyone's gone. GREAT JOB, MONARCH.

The Day Care!

Even though the Dome is a finite enclosed space that (at some point) contained 2000 people, many of whom lost their homes, no one tried to squat in this house converted into a day care centre that's one of what Julia claims is Big Jim's many safe houses. In fact, not only is the house unmolested, but no one's anywhere in this whole neighbourhood that we can see. How gracious of the drones to have so much respect for The Resistance's collective personal space. (What better place than a yard where adorable little children used to play for Norrie to get her first proper target shooting lesson, minus the part where she actually gets to pull the trigger?)

Now You've Got Egg On Your...Everything

Big Jim has just maybe tricked Hektor into believing that drones burned down the cabin he'd "stashed" Dr. Frank Whaley in, because Hektor gets pensive. He's less concerned about reuniting with Dr. Frank Whaley, the dude (good thing, because Big Jim killed him a while ago), because he was counting on seeing some useful research and samples and if both the samples and Dr. Frank Whaley are gone, everyone's kind of fucked: he's concerned about finding a cure for Egg infection...

...and then we flash back to the reason why: some unspecified length of time ago, Hektor's old pal Patrick had no sooner pieced together a bunch of Egg fragments they recovered than he was suddenly moved -- compelled, you might say -- to take off the hood of his clean suit, and then his gloves. In awe, he says that the Egg wants him to touch it, and then he does.

This seems like it was a bad idea. As nice as it is to see Eriq La Salle and Paul McCrane having the world's tiniest ER reunion, as a representative of science this Patrick is embarrassing us all. Keep your gloves on, you dope, and don't touch things that could have been up any number of aliens' butts.

Kindred Spirits

Who called the meeting? Barbie.

What's it about? Joe's been locked up in the jail with a bunch of...stuff? So that he can build the thing in Christine's doodle and bring down the Dome? But he's refusing to co-operate with anyone from The Kinship, even after Junior punched him in the face and stomach and stuff. But Barbie's left Julia to reinfiltrate the ranks of The Kinship to try to find out more about its plans by faking like he's still with them, so he's asked to go talk to Joe and convince him to quit holding out with all his knowledge and stuff.

How'd it go? Despite the fact that the much heftier Junior's already been whaling on him for a while (including at the top of this scene, before Barbie kicked him out so he could work on Joe on his own) -- like, bad enough that when Barbie first ran into Junior in Christine's office earlier, he could see Junior's knuckles all skinned...

...Joe's barely got a mark on him.

So he's doing okay physically. But after his bad experience trusting Sam to have left The Kinship, he's wary of Barbie. For a second. All it takes is for Barbie to remind him of having come to find him at the diner after Angie's murder, and the logic that if Barbie were with The Kinship he'd want Joe to build the...thing, to convince Joe that Barbie is back to his right mind. We've seen no evidence that infection causes victims to forget their former lives, so I'm not sure why the Angie mention means anything, but sure, why not. Barbie starts trying to figure out how they're going to get Joe out of there, but Joe's had a change of heart: he does want to build the...thing after all. He hates to help The Kinship, but you know, he also hates living in a Dome, and this is the only way they're going to get out. Barbie warns Joe that Christine will almost certainly have Joe killed once he's no longer useful to her, which Joe says he knows -- but the alternative is for him to do nothing and suffocate everyone to death. Barbie's like, oh right. Barbie's not that bright -- but then I guess neither is Joe if he dicked around all morning before figuring that out? Long story short: pretty effective meeting for all.

Speaking In Eggy Tongues

Talk of the serum Big Jim's so dubious about (he doesn't think love can cure the infection -- fine -- but now he doesn't believe a shot either? what's he holding out for, a transdermal patch? an inhaler?) sends Hektor into another reverie about what happened to poor old Patrick when he touched that Egg. It seems as though, instead of turning into a megalomaniac like Christine, he became a babbling idiot like Lyle, all prophetic nonsense about pink stars, the queen, Eggs, war. He's strapped down in a hospital bed, and when we see, in his restraints, his his hands and forearms, they're all veiny and purple...but maybe his daughter can calm him down? Because he has a daughter and it's Lily. She tries to bring him back to himself by talking about a ritual they had of going to a certain coffee shop and bringing him coffee to smell to remind him, and for a second it seems like it works...and then he just bellows in her face: "It's time! Come! We! Will! LIVE ON!!!" Always nice to visit, Dad. Next time let's just watch the news.

Baby Boom And Bust

In the barn, Eva is in a terrible mood and snapping at Harriet the midwife, demanding to know where Barbie is: "He left to kill Julia hours ago." I mean, if I had a nickel every time I've said that exact thing about my own spouse. (This seems like as good a time as any to note that despite how much everyone's been talking about her, Christine is not in this episode at all, and while I get that Marg Helgenberger might be too expensive to pay for a full season, at least come up with some pretext that Christine's not around -- EVERYONE IS, AFTER ALL, IN A DOME.) Outside, the white-clad Manson girls join hands, and Charlotte -- the broad Junior especially had his eye on -- approaches. Harriet closes the doors behind her. "You're the first," Eva smiles. "Are you ready?" The woman playing Charlotte must just be someone's pretty niece and too shitty an actor to deliver many lines, because she just says, "Yes" -- the first and last dialogue she's going to get on this show. Eva takes her hands and says, "The Queen needs you. What happens next will be beautiful."

I beg to differ on the "beautiful" part, but then maybe this is just the next step past eating the placenta?

Sounds Annoying

Sam brings Joe that little purple geode of Christine's, which Joe bitches isn't enough for the doodle he's been looking at; he then decides to needle Sam about The Kinship's loss of all its amethysts, and specifically about how low Sam must be in the hierarchy if this piddling little piece is all he can get his hands on for Joe to work with. Joe then turns on some of his equipment (powered by ??? and don't say the geode because it's just sitting on top of a speaker), and the incredibly piercing noise drives Sam out to the hall. This is because Joe's just seen Norrie show up outside the window. Joe is happy she's alive. Me, I'm neutral.

Can This Dome Support Two Alpha Males?

Who called the meeting? Big Jim.

What's it about? He wants to make sure Hektor knows that Big Jim knows that the Dome came down because Hektor sent Eva and Christine in search of the Egg, knowing they might get infected, and that Hektor feels real bad about it.

How'd it go? Okay, so Hektor DOES feel bad about it -- he was searching for a cure for Patrick, true, but he didn't know the Dome would happen -- and he says that even if it's too late to save Patrick, he can save the 2000 infected people in the Dome. (a) We have seen nothing like that many people, obviously, but also (b) wouldn't Hektor's satellite surveillance show how many of those have been totally murdered in the past three weeks? Anyway: Big Jim tells Hektor he's got something to tell him that's bigger than a cure: Christine's planning on bringing down the Dome with the thing Joe's building. Hektor doesn't seem to care about that, which is weird, but asks what Big Jim needs, which is also weird because Big Jim was just relaying information? Big Jim: "I get you the DNA sample you need to complete your formula. You cure the town. When the Dome comes down, we're both heroes. Deal?" "Yeah, deal," Hektor agrees, intensely. Seems like a good meeting in which Big Jim restates his pre-existing plan to get Christine's DNA and also share some news about their Dome-exiting prognosis! Great job, team!

So Barbie is, naturally, pretty weirded out to see Eva sitting their gigantically pregnant! She vaguely informs him, "Christine made it happen" with the help of a bunch of "young, devoted women." Now he needs to make sure their daughter stays safe, and checks in on whether he killed Julia. "Julia won't be a problem anymore," Barbie tells her, which for some reason Eva totally accepts! She kisses him, but she can tell he's acting weird, and asks what's wrong. What could possibly be wrong with their instantly full-term pregnancy? Nothing, that's what!

Junior is supervising some digging around the cabin where Barbie had told him he'd buried Julia's totally dead murdered body! But since they've been at it for minutes without finding anything, Junior's pretty sure Barbie lied about killing Julia, and he's going to go tell Christine on him!

Outside Joe's cell, Sam does that creepy drone whistle, and I guess Joe's made some progress because Christine's geode totally glows! Her geode must be acknowledged! Sam does the whistle again, and Joe counts the tones and watches stuff react while trying to keep his excitement from Sam! I'm not really sure why since for the time being they're united in their goal of Joe's finishing this project, but sure, why not?

Hunter's apparently taken about two seconds to, at Lily's request, break into a locked folder that Lily had sent him in that batch of stuff a couple of episodes ago! Lily is also a computer expert, so you'd think she'd have been able to do this herself, but then again, she is just a girl! Everything's labeled with Patrick's name, which if there was a scene where Lily told him that, we didn't see it (or I dozed off), and even though Hunter had thought Lily's dad was dead, this is footage from four days ago!!!

Speaking of Lily, she's outside with Hektor, saying she knows when they entered the Dome it was supposed to be "forever," but that if Big Jim is right about the Dome coming down, they could still have "a happily ever after"! I'm not really sure what vibe these two are trying to play, here: are they...a couple? Because gross, she is a baby. But Hektor doesn't want her to worry: "I promised your father that I'd keep you safe. It's the only place nobody can get to us, so deal or no deal, I'm going to do whatever it takes to make sure this Dome never comes down." And even though you'd think they would be trying to be furtive lest any drones happen by, they're just hanging out on the front porch watching the world not go by. SURE, WHY NOT!

Zoning out staring at an Aktaion tactical guy's boots takes Hektor into yet another reverie! He was getting ready to enter the Dome and seal the red door behind him! But first, he let himself into a locked lab...where Patrick was hanging out in his tube flipping back and forth from being a person to being pure energy or pulsing sperm or whatever the fuck the Egg's Special Chosen are! Hektor says he's leaving, and that he can't take Patrick with him, anxiously promising Patrick that he'll keep Lily safe! As he leaves, Patrick screams his name a couple of times, to no effect! I am starting to get the feeling Hektor is not a great friend!

And then Julia is jogging through some woods and just happens upon a mass grave of Mansony handmaidens! Harriet rolls up and tries to threaten her...

...but Norrie puts her brand-new shooting skills to immediate use! Bye, Harriet! You seemed like kind of a smug jerk, so this is actually a net gain for Domekind!

But Julia barely has a chance to celebrate having escaped this encounter before she sees Barbie leaning in to his impression of a member of The Kinship and Eva's mate! QUIV THAT CHIN, GURL, THAT'LL HELP FOR SURE!!!!!