Is Using A Ouija Board To Summon A Murderer Worse Than Jazz?

"The Axeman," 1870ish-1919

The Axeman thought he had it aaaaaaaaaall figured out. After having some success as a multiple murderer in 1919 New Orleans, he decided to use the city's terror of his potential future strikes to push his radical pro-jazz agenda, sending an open letter to the local paper warning that he would enter any homes that, at a future time and date, were not playing jazz and kill up anyone inside. But The Axeman didn't count on the fact that New Orleans happened even then to contain a boarding school for witches, and that one of said witches would deliver a stirring psych-up speech exhorting her sisters to take on The Axeman using their nascent powers. And so, after luring The Axeman into the house with an aria from some opera or other, the girls swarm The Axeman and kill him.

Even though The Axeman has gone (for the moment), it's important to remember one lesson he taught us all: the best way to make ordinary citizens play jazz music in their homes is to threaten them with murder if they don't.

Board To Death

What's the game? Ouija board.

Who's playing? Zoe, who found it in a weird secret crawlspace also full of old Miss Robichaux's class photos; Queenie; and Nan.

What's at stake? Zoe thinks it may be their best chance at finding the still-"missing" Madison; Queenie, however, knows that ouija boards are nothing to fuck with, since a spirit burned down her grandmother's house and "took half her face" (uh, flashback please!).

Who wins? Since the spirit they summon is not Madison's but that of the Axeman — who tells them he was murdered in this house and, when asked who killed him, says "YOU" — Zoe loses the game, and Queenie definitely wins the argument.

Yes We Cancer

Remember how Fiona's health was deteriorating because a new Supreme was coming into her own and then she killed Madison because she assumed it was her but it wasn't? Well, Fiona's still dying of cancer, which is why the first glimpse we get at her in this episode is in a cancer ward among patients receiving chemotherapy. But! In an exciting new development, Fiona can now hear their thoughts, which she never could before. How is she developing new powers at this late date? Is she turning into, like, a double Supreme? And while we're here, what's the story with this sketchy-ass doctor?

Chairwoman Of The Board

What's the game? Ouija board (again).

Who's playing? Zoe, who has researched The Axeman; determined that he thinks she, Nan, and Queenie are the Miss Robichaux's Class Of 1919; and decided for reasons unknown that he might know where Madison is?

What's at stake? Since Nan and Queenie refuse to fuck with the ouija board anymore, Zoe's on her own, trying to prove her hunch. For The Axeman — who agrees to tell Zoe what he knows about Madison if Zoe will set him free again — what's at stake is...you know, freedom.

Who wins? Zoe wins in the short term, as she follows The Axeman's direction and finds Madison's body in Spalding's creepy-ass doll museum. But we'll soon find that The Axeman wins the long game.

Fiona & Cordelia vs. Hank

Fiona's waiting in Cordelia's room when Hank brings Cordelia home from the hospital, still blind as shit. He also makes the mistake of taking her elbow to lead her to (ironically) a loveseat, whereupon she gets another flash of Hank having sex with Kaylee and turns on him, demanding to know who "the redhead" is and telling him she's going to see everything soon enough. Hank denies everything, but Cordelia and Fiona are both completely over his shit and in no mood for his clumsy, transparent lies.

Winner: Witches, y'all!

So You Had A Bad Day

As soon as Hank's gone, Cordelia's awesome new gift of The Sight deals her another tough blow. But at least now she knows who blinded her, right? (Haha, just kidding, of course it wasn't Myrtle...but then whooooooo?) (I'm calling it now: Leslie Jordan.)

Get The Mute

Who called the meeting? Zoe.

What's it about? She found Madison in Spalding's toy chest, all dead and shit; though Zoe's powers are of no use in this situation, Nan's and Queenie's could be very useful.

How'd it go? Poorly. Spalding may have been rendered, by Myrtle's spell, unable to speak any lies, but he sure can think them — so Nan hears and reports Spalding's false confession to Madison's murder. It's also not great when Queenie and Zoe appear to take sadistic pleasure in torturing Spalding (branding him with a hot spatula), particularly when, after all their efforts, Zoe doesn't believe Spalding did it anyway.

Coming Soon: Myrtle

You Do The Bath

There's so much wrong in this scene! Frankenkyle is wrong to impose on Misty just because he's barely functional and doesn't know how to find his way anywhere else. Misty is wrong to try bathing the very squirmy Frankenkyle without giving him a training treat (rookie mistake)! Kyle's dead mother was wrong to have raped him for years and years and given him painful flashbacks even when a nice lady who doesn't want anything from him tries to help him out of a bathtub — but Frankenkyle is also wrong to start smashing up Misty's shack, and particularly wrong to have destroyed Misty's 8-track player. Zoe is wrong to descend on Misty demanding her help while basically taking no responsibility for Frankenkyle.

Madison Montgomery II, 2013-

Though Misty is pretty sure Madison is too rotten for Misty to be able to bring her back — "I can help you dig a hole," she offers unsentimentally — Zoe's desperate appeal somehow induces Misty to try, and with Zoe's help, Misty actually is able to bring Madison back...to this generally pretty crappy existence she did not ask to return to, and not before coughing up a bunch of blood and goo and cockroaches and stuff. Still: not bad, ladies!

This Is Nothing But A Witch Hunt! (Literally.)

Who called the meeting? Hank.

What's it about? It's mostly about providing exposition, for the audience, regarding his relationship with Marie Laveau — to wit, he is a witch hunter, whom she hired to kill "all the Salem descendants," in which capacity he got Cordelia to marry him and proceeded to hang out at Miss Robichaux's gathering intel on whatever witches are still around. And guess who was a witch? Kaylee. (She set an ex on fire.) Oh yeah: Hank also accuses Marie of having blinded Cordelia with acid, to which Marie sniffs, "You think I did that? I look like the Taliban to you? If I wanted to blind your little wifey, I wouldn't have to leave my room." I'm telling you: Leslie Jordan. You heard it here first.

How'd it go? Poorly for Hank, since Marie is still running him: she orders him to kill all the witches at Miss Robichaux's and burn down the house, or else she'll kill him. Since this is what we all want to happen, I'm pretty sure Hank will not be successful in his mission.

Misty Out

Look, Misty's not heartless. When a fellow witch approaches her for help with a corpse, or when an agglomeration of former corpses reaches out directly, she'll lend a hand (as it were). But after bringing back Madison, Misty hands Frankenkyle off to Zoe ("You made him. He's your problem now"), and declares that she's done with Miss Robichaux's — like, so done she's not even willing to spend the night. Zoe reminds Misty that she'd said she was looking for her tribe, but Misty's not biting: "I was. And I am. This ain't it. I got bad vibes. Real bad. There's something foul in this house." Something foul with an axe?

Cordelia has just finished locking her bedroom door and groping around completing her nighttime routine and is about to climb into bed when she senses a presence: The Axeman!

Madison can't remember how she died, but she can remember that she didn't see anything like a bright light: "There's nothing on the other side. Just black. Forever"!

The Axeman tells Cordelia he was killed in her room, and now he wants the release Zoe promised him (not like that, perverts)!

The junior witches hear Cordelia screaming, but they can't get through the door!

Zoe's powers guide her to the right spell book, and spell...

...and when the door pops open, they find a traumatized Cordelia but no Axeman...

...because he's out front, leaving Miss Robichaux's...

...en route to a bar to hit on Fiona and SHE IS INTO IT!!!