Screen: Channel 4
Ask A Briton Pressed Into Public Service
One of the featured players in the Black Mirror series premiere answers questions from viewers like you.
Administrators at my daughter's school ask parents to volunteer for duties like monitoring lunchtime or working on the school's vegetable garden. I think this is a very admirable policy...in theory. In practice, I feel like I have so little discretionary time as it is, and I'd rather spend time with my daughter in ways I think we'll both enjoy as opposed to satisfying a grudging obligation. It's possible to be excused from volunteer service by making a donation, and even though that's definitely what I'd prefer to do, I worry that would send a bad message to my daughter. What do you think?
- Mitchell
I think your instincts are quite correct. By establishing this volunteer policy, officials at your daughter's school are not just trying to keep down the costs of their support staff: they're giving you parents an opportunity to model civic-minded behaviour for your children. It's important for your children to learn what it means to be a citizen — including that what they may be called upon to do won't always be terribly enjoyable. I was recently drafted for the distinctly unpleasant duty of partnering with our Prime Minister for sex on live television, and while I most certainly didn't want to accept, I understood that it was for the greater good, and that enjoying the benefits of British citizenship requires one to sacrifice from time to time. My litter at home might not find it particularly pleasant to see me taken roughly from behind by a world leader, but years from now, they'll always remember that their mother put her personal dignity aside for the sake of our nation. I think you'll find that, in light of what's looming before me, you'll no longer think it such a hardship to weed a few rows of courgettes.
Many years ago, when our mother passed away, my sister Meredith and I worked out a plan together by which we would equally divide the list of chores and tasks necessary to keep our dad's life running as smoothly as possible. It worked perfectly for years — until Meredith and her husband had twins. Since then, she is constantly fobbing items from her list onto mine on the grounds that her kids keep her so busy that she can't manage both. I've been understanding to a point, but I have other things going on in my life too. How can I make her understand my position?
- Karen
My dear, your father will not be with you forever. When he's gone and all the family you have left is your sister, I promise you won't remember which of you took him out to do his marketing the second week of March or who folded more of his laundry. My advice is for you to make your time with your father as a treat rather than a trial: that way, when Meredith needs you to take something off her plate, you will welcome the chance rather than regard it as an imposition. I've employed a version of this strategy with regard to the sex I've been enlisted to have with the Prime Minister. When the situation was presented to me, did the notion appeal to me? Certainly not. But once I'd had the chance to sit with the idea for a while, I realized that I would eventually be able to take satisfaction from having saved the Princess's life — and since I don't anticipate taking any satisfaction from the Prime Minister's amateurish fumbling and inevitable performance issues, I've decided that the pleasure of knowing I played this important part in history will be enough.
I am the leader of a G8 nation; a terrorist has kidnapped a well-known and beloved public figure and has publicly threatened her with harm if I don't do something extremely embarrassing and unsavory on live television. My people have tried all day to figure out how to get me out of it using various kinds of video technology, but it looks as though my choices are either to comply and utterly humiliate myself, or risk this young lady's life. What should I do?
- Michael
Don't worry, darling. I'll be gentle.