'You See A Shirtless Matty, And Your Body Just Takes Over'
"Sometimes I'll see entertainment or even regular news items about Justin Bieber's crazy fans, and how they stake out hotels they think he's going to be or tweet hateful stuff at his girlfriend, and I am just shocked that they would waste their time like that. I mean, Justin Bieber is never going to HAPPEN to see one of them in a crowd and fall in love at first sight and marry her. But that could totally happen with me and Matty.
"I guess if you don't go to Palos Hills, and you've never seen him up close, it might seem weird that a regular high-school boy has a somewhat formal fan club. ...Okay, it's pretty formal. We have a President and a Treasurer. Oh, also we're a Delaware Corporation. And I get it, I might have thought it was weird too. Then one day I was walking by the soccer field on my way to a yearbook meeting and happened to glance over just as Matty was taking off his shirt. It was a super-hot day. He was really sweaty. And that was the day I became a woman. Emotionally, I mean!
"Yeah, I know Matty has a girlfriend, so I guess it's kind of disrespectful to her for all of us to hang out on the sidelines of his practices advertising our willingness to serve as his concubines. But maybe another perspective is that Jenna shouldn't really care how other people throw themselves at Matty as long as everything's cool between the two of them, right? Frankly, we are the ones who should be bothered if she thinks going out with Matty means she owns him. Matty is a member of the Palos Hills community, so as far as I'm concerned he is basically community property.
"Furthermore, if ever there were a teenaged boy who was man enough to have a girlfriend and a few, like, sister-girlfriends? It's Matty. It would be cool with me if Jenna were designated as First Girlfriend, so she set the schedule of who got to see him when and stuff. And if the recent events in Jenna and Matty's relationship taught us anything, it's that sometimes she doesn't want to spend time with him, and he gets antsy. He needs someone to take up the slack when Jenna wants to do her dumb storytelling shows or whatever. Maybe a couple of someones. I'm not greedy, unlike some people.
"I'm not totally proud of jumping on Matty's face in front of that big a crowd, I guess? But I'm not totally ashamed either. I know at least a couple of other club members were probably like, 'Man, why didn't I think of that?' Because what if it worked? What if it's in the process of working right now? What if Matty's response to being required not to attend Jenna's thing was to think back to earlier in the day and that girl who mouth-ly assaulted him?
"And the other reason I'm not ashamed is that I kind of don't remember actually doing it. Or...okay, I remember being pressed against Matty, and his arms around me, and what his lips felt like and how he smelled. But I don't remember making a decision in my mind to do it. I think what happened was, you see a shirtless Matty, and your body just takes over. My body for sure knew what it wanted. And it got it. I went home that night and made SO MANY t-shirts."