Fixing Big Brother

Due, I am convinced, to dogged reporting by Reality Blurred editor Andy Dehnart, Sunday's episode of Big Brother actually included footage of houseguest Aaryn making bigoted remarks about fellow contestants who aren't white; Executive Producer Allison Grodner had said years ago, "We really don’t want to put hateful things out there in our edits. And so for the most part, when this goes down, we keep that out of the show," but this week was able to reverse herself on the basis that because Aaryn is HoH, producers have an "obligation to inform the audience of important elements that influence the competition, and sensitivity to how any inappropriate comments are presented." Sure! That's definitely why this week-old footage is suddenly relevant -- that, or that enough live feed watchers are making it an issue that CBS can't ignore it anymore.

Now that producers have acknowledged that they cast a couple of bigots (and even those who don't watch the live feeds can probably surmise that Aaryn and GinaMarie aren't the only ones, and also that past seasons aren't much different from this one in that regard), changes will have to be made to avoid these problems in the future. Here are a few tweaks we're pretty sure we can expect.

• Contestant applications must be accompanied by five unedited video testimonials from friends or loved ones of other races.
• To help make politeness a habit, houseguests greet each other "Morning, Super" and "Morning, Wonderful."
• A minimum of 50% of game premises revolve around questions of basic civility and empathy (these could be easily adapted from kindergarten curricula).
• The live feeds get really buggy and hard to watch all of a sudden for some reason, it's weird!
• In the Diary Room, producers directly ask houseguests about offensive remarks the cameras pick up so they know they can't get away with it.
• Julie Chen directly asks houseguests about offensive remarks the cameras pick up instead of waiting to do it an episode of The Talk.
• Viewers who want to vote on special privileges or powers must first pass tests proving their knowledge of offensive acts or remarks houseguests commit/make.
• Houseguests will be eligible for rewards based on their behaviour as tracked on the Kids Pointz system.
• The Veto segment is replaced by a weekly show/seminar on tolerance by a local college improv group.
• This is probably totally crazy but maybe use of hate speech gets you kicked out of the house?