Ilana's Not Into Lincoln Because Ilana's Not Into Happiness, Apparently?

In my many, many years watching TV -- the equivalent of seven or eight decades' worth for a normal person, packed into just three and change -- I have seen sitcom characters introduced in all kinds of ways. They walk into bars, or stroll by co-workers' desks, or come through the back door mid-wisecrack. But I think the pilot of Broad City is the first time I ever saw a character make his entrance (as it were) into the scene with the reveal that he's having sex with one of the series protagonists while she videochats with her best friend while using his chest to rest her computer on. It's going to be quite a while before any other sitcom character tops (as it were) that intro, so go 'head Lincoln! It's just too bad the girl nailing him doesn't appreciate him.

It's not clear, at first, exactly what a gem Ilana has between her thighs. The fact that he's cool letting her bounce around on him while making plans with Abbi -- plans that don't include him, by the way -- kind of suggests the opposite, in fact: doesn't it logically follow that a guy Ilana has no interest promoting to boyfriend status (or even removing her shirt to bang) is probably being rejected for a reason? When Ilana breezily brushes off his attempt to DTR, his reaction isn't to storm out in high dudgeon, but to sigh, "Why does this always happen to me." So Ilana is just the latest in a string of ladies to spurn him? Is he just a slightly cleaned-up version of the homeless guy Hannibal Buress played on 30 Rock? What is actually wrong with Lincoln?!

But now, four episodes in, we know the answer: nothing. Lincoln is perfect. In fact, not only is he perfect, but he's waaaaaay too good for Ilana. While Ilana blows off work to smoke weed and nap in the bathroom -- when she's not just sneaking out of the building entirely -- Lincoln has a legitimate profession: he's a dentist. Which comes in handy in the second episode, when Ilana breaks her tooth, because he fixes it for free. And Ilana isn't ignorant of the ways of the world, and eagerly repays his kindness with sex on the floor of his exam room -- fortunately, having already removed her stash from "nature's pocket."

Lincoln isn't just a conscientious medical professional: he's also fun, as we see when Ilana temps as a dog walker, and Lincoln re-christens her charges for her.

And in the latest episode, Lincoln demonstrates not only his usual devotion to Ilana but that he's a good friend. With the whole episode building to Abbi's first gallery show at what is not so much an art gallery as a vegan sandwich shop (oxymoron), Ilana -- Abbi's dearest friend on Earth -- shits on the whole thing. But Lincoln shows up to support Abbi (who's not even really his friend; she's his friend-in-law, if that), having RSVPed "yes" to a Facebook event invitation and then...actually shown up. This puts Lincoln in the 99th percentile not just of guys but of people.

Fortunately, Ilana's resistance to entering into an official relationship with Lincoln seems to be based not on any (mistaken) bad opinions she has of him, but is just part of her general laissez-faire attitude to everything in her life. Equally as fortunately (for her), Ilana's neglect doesn't seem to have cooled Lincoln's ardor for her. So there's still a chance that this amiable idiot and this total prince could still manage to get together. I mean, Lincoln already seems like he's okay with Ilana's attempts to involve Abbi in their lovemaking -- cooler than Abbi is, certainly -- so they're obviously made for each other. And since Ilana is clearly incapable of taking care of herself, it should happen sooner than later so that she can resume filling herself with Lincoln, and cease filling herself with garbage bagels.