Juan Pablo Thinks Nikki's Feelings Are Hilarious

Madame Cannot Abide The Accommodations, Continued

So...that dumb fight about whether Jenna is condescending is still going on, and given that now she's asking John to his face, and not just in a TH, whether he needs a dictionary to look up what "condescending" means, I feel like he won it hours and hours and HOURS ago? But, again, SOMETHING OR OTHER may be causing Jenna to act in ways that IMPAIR HER JUDGMENT, if you KNOW what I MEAN, so I guess it's understandable that if she has nothing else to occupy HER MIND or HANDS, she would just fixate on this until John...dies? Since he's already apologized, I don't know what her endgame is here. John tells us he's frustrated by their lack of communication, and then puts a button on the fight by telling Jenna she's being redundant, and asking if she wants a dictionary to look that up. Point John. Again: break up.

Caaaaasual Mingling

Nikki snaps at a camera operator for taping her while she's trying to change clothes. ("I was just doing my job," he mumbles, and I guess if the editors included that, it's because we're supposed to be on his side.) Treach and Cicely exercise. Jenna jokes about how terrible she looks in the morning, and then THes that she didn't think couples' therapy would involve so much fighting -- she thought it would be more hugging and interlocking fingers to feel each other's energy and make this face.

I don't know.

Out in the living room or whatever, everyone's just sitting around waiting for therapy to start when Sarah Michael Novia asks Jenna if the bathroom's working better now. Juan Pablo breaks in with a TH that starts with him observing that it's been weird living with Jenna, and while you might assume, based on the context, that he's going to say that's because of what a diva she is, he doesn't: "Because her face looks a little different, she doesn't have the big boobs that we used to love, and she's got tattoos all over the place." However, Juan Pablo is such a prince that even with all the deficits he just listed, he's still going to give her a chance to have therapy with him.

Nikki then complains about how much she hates having camera operators in her room; Deena wisely THes that she understands where Nikki's coming from, but that she did sign up for this, and "the more you have that little bitchface on, you're going to come off that way." Well, honestly. It's not like this is Nikki's first rodeo. Anyway: FORESHADOWING.

Group Therapy

This is John and Jenna's first session with the group and he doesn't know what to expect. Most of all, he doesn't want to cry. There's some weirdness about wardrobe continuity here -- I'm pretty sure Dr. Jenn was wearing this dumb lace-shouldered blazer when she came in to talk Jenna down about her bathroom -- but I don't care enough to do an investigation.

The topic today is how easy social media and technology have made cheating. Let's start with Jenna! She readily declares that every guy she's been with has cheated on her, and that girls on social media are always trying to get with her men. Deena has also had people being gross to her on social media, and if it's something where she thinks it's disrespectful to Chris, she deletes it. Treach, however, has had a different experience: when people proposition him on Twitter, he takes it as a compliment and thanks them, and his followers love being acknowledged. Dr. Jenn asks how he thinks that is for Cicely, and Cicely martyrously confirms that Treach will take a photo with anyone, so when these girls put up photos with captions like "Me and the love of my life, Treach," she doesn't know how much that's whatever random woman's fantasy, and which ones Treach might actually be sleeping with (all).

Then I think Juan Pablo says that, for Nikki's sake, he deleted his Twitter account? Though he's not subtitled and with his accent I'm not totally sure? But anyway, this leads into a whole boring story about him doing a "Bachelorette Blowout" event in Las Vegas that he forgot to tell her about, and that they fought about so much that even though the plan had been for Nikki to come, he finally told her she couldn't. All the women (including Dr. Jenn) are visibly or audibly appalled (Cicely says she's been banned from events before too), and it doesn't really help Juan Pablo's case when DICK sticks up for him by saying he understands how Juan Pablo might decide it's better to keep Nikki away and deal with "the bullshit" afterward than have her come and deal with said bullshit all weekend. Juan Pablo has the balls to put on a sad face and tell Dr. Jenn, "It's tough!" Jenna tells Dick THAT is bullshit. "This is how guys think," whines Juan Pablo, explaining that men are more logical and less sensitive. This doesn't go over great either. Long story short: keeping your partner away from these kinds of fan events will lead to your having two separate lives.

Afterward, Nikki says she realized that Juan Pablo thinks she is solely responsible for their being in therapy, and we see him trying to smooth things over by getting all snuggly with her in the kitchen, but she pushes him away. Juan Pablo THes that he's annoyed by the way Nikki is going to have to go off and think about things and then tell him later what conclusions she's drawn. Yeah, how dare she not submit to his caresses when she just expressed how sad his sneakiness makes her and he LITERALLY LAUGHED IN HER FACE in front of a whole room full of people?

Processing The Process

After the commercial, Nikki is complaining about Juan Pablo some more, this time to Stephanie. Juan Pablo plops down on the floor in front of them and asks if he can join them, and Nikki replies, "As long as you don't attract the cameras," maybe not realizing there's one mounted behind her head. Stephanie comments on how obsessed Nikki seems to be with the cameras and that sometimes she just wants to tell her how annoying she is. Later, Nikki complains of being stir-crazy, and how much she wishes they could be alone -- not just away from the cameras, but from other people. (a) Maybe group therapy was not the right choice for you, and (b) now I'm pretty convinced that Nikki proposed their going on the show just so she could get a few uninterrupted days with him, which is sad.

In the kitchen, Jenna brings up Dick's asinine defense of Juan Pablo, which Cicely terms "Typical man." John -- I think -- immediately pipes up to say that's sexist, which it totally is; Cicely doesn't care, and says it's true. (Cicely may not know what "sexist" means.) This leads to a larger discussion about trust, and whether "all women go through phones," as Treach claims. Um, we don't? But this segues to Cicely's tale of some guy who's known Treach for thirty years and told her he was cheating on her -- which Treach denied, but not to her satisfaction. Treach tells the gathered therapees that this unnamed person made up a story about his cheating to break Treach and Cicely up because this third party regards Cicely as "the Yoko Ono of the group." No offense, but I feel like Naughty By Nature might run its course without any outside interference from scheming ladies. Treach goes on to say that this other person is the real dog, with ladies in every town, and he gets so agitated that Jenna steps in to say the way he's talking to Cicely is "kind of scary." I mean, I guess? To me, Treach's baseline level of aggression is about a 9 all the time, so it's hard to tell. Anyway, this is more of Cicely's victim story, so...pass.

Jersey Shore People Have Boring Problems

Chris likes to go to Atlantic City with his guy friends. Deena doesn't like it. Why can't she go and hang out with them, she wants to know? Who cares.

Nikki vs. Production, Round 1

Juan Pablo is in the middle of THing about how frustrating it is for him when Nikki spurns his advances when Nikki herself enters the bedroom. He calls out to her to ask if she's going to be in the bathroom for a while, and she shoots back a question about whether he's going to be in the bedroom for "three fucking hours." The producer, offscreen, kind of laughs as she says that's her fault, not Juan Pablo's, and Nikki snaps, "Well, you can wrap it the fuck up too." When Nikki has stalked back outside, Juan Pablo gleefully asks the producer whether she got all that on tape, and says surely everyone now can understand his side of things: "That's what I live with, baby!" I'm kind of on both their sides here. I get that Nikki has regrets now about the way her relationship with Juan Pablo started, but on the other hand, she didn't end up on The Bachelor because the government conscripted her. Take some responsibility for your own terrible decisions, dummy!

Juan Pablo's One-on-One With Dr. Jenn

Naturally, Dr. Jenn and Juan Pablo use this time to discuss Nikki behind her back. Dr. Jenn wants to know what's really bothering her, since it can't actually just be the cameras; Juan Pablo thinks she doesn't like "people seeing her 24/7." He further says it embarrasses him when she's short with the show's producers, as if he isn't A WALKING EMBARRASSMENT. Dr. Jenn makes commiserating faces at Nikki and her resistance to the process, and empathizes with Juan Pablo about his shame at Nikki's terrible behaviour, so I guess Juan Pablo is the new Farrah except for the part where he's actually there with someone. Anyway, Dr. Jenn tells Juan Pablo to try to talk to Nikki and make her feel more comfortable about being in the house, and he agrees, but as soon as he finds her outside, she gets up to put pants on, and he takes that as a personal slight. Juan Pablo really loves doing that "washing my hands of this" gesture, huh.

Nikki's One-on-One With Dr. Jenn

Guess what this is about?! Nikki starts by saying that she hasn't talked to Juan Pablo much in the past few days because she thinks if she does, the cameras will descend upon them, which is a tactical error on her part, or else she doesn't care, because of COURSE Dr. Jenn reports that the producer narced on her and repeated Nikki's "wrap it the fuck up" order to Dr. Jenn. Nikki will only admit that she may have said that, and Dr. Jenn says that while we can't pick our feelings, we can pick our behaviours, and that if Nikki keeps focusing on the cameras, she's going to miss out on all this great therapy Dr. Jenn has to offer. I mean, I guess? I feel like if Dr. Jenn were actually a good doctor, maybe this is where she'd suggest that this setting is not going to be helpful to Nikki and that maybe she and Juan Pablo should leave and seek treatment somewhere without any cameras? Of course, she does not.

Dr. Jenn then goes on to put the onus for the couple's relationship problems on Nikki, reporting that Juan Pablo doesn't like the way Nikki talks to people sometimes. Nikki repeats what we've already heard about how much she hates it when fans (or whatever) interrupt her dates with Juan Pablo, and Dr. Jenn says that whether Nikki likes it or not, she is a celebrity now. Nikki, with impressive self-awareness considering where she is, admits that she does want the perks of her celebrity, without any of the bummers. She also says she didn't realize until recently how private she is, and that it bugs her when Juan Pablo busts in on her in the bathroom without knocking. Okay, that's reasonable. And I can COMPLETELY believe that he's the kind of guy who'd just assume all she's doing in there is putting on mascara because he doesn't think girls poop. "It's up to you to teach him how to treat you, " says Dr. Jenn. "If you don't give him specific directions, he'll never know." I'm pretty sure he'll never know regardless, but anyway.

Nikki vs. Production, Round 2

The dudes and the ladies have split up into sex-segregated groups for the evening, and guess what Nikki's telling the ladies about? THE CAMERAS, and how they're ruining her relationship. Jenna reminds her that she did sign up for the show, and Nikki repeats that she wants the benefits of being on the show, but "not the public part." Except before it seemed like she was amused by her own naïveté, in the hours that have passed since then, it seems like she's lost that self-awareness. The ladies agree that Nikki should have thought before she signed up for the show about what it would be like, and she says she did, but that she's doing this for Juan Pablo: because of how "the media" ripped him apart, she wanted to give the public another chance to see that he's not the shithead The Bachelor made him out to be. It's...not working. Nikki goes on to report that Dr. Jenn scolded her for being rude to the producers, but here Jenna gets back on her side: she says Nikki's absolutely within her rights to boss them around -- just look how much nicer Jenna's room is after she threw a fit about it!

In conclusion, Nikki leaves the ladies' conclave admitting that even though she was supposed to have a talk with Juan Pablo about her feelings, because she didn't want it recorded, she just didn't do it -- and ordered him out to tell producers to turn the lights off and never set up another interview in their bedroom, besides.

Sneak Session

Dr. Jenn puts on her hardest mask to call out Nikki, in front of the whole group, for not following Dr. Jenn's counsel on talking to Juan Pablo after Nikki's one-on-one. She goes on to discipline Nikki about using the cameras to avoid working on her relationship, and Jenna for goading Nikki to oppose the producers: "You are sabotaging Juan Pablo and Nikki when you sit there and tell her to tell the producers to "suck a cock." It's as though, Dr. Jenn says, Jenna is telling Dr. Jenn to suck a cock. Madame is QUITE UNACCUSTOMED to being spoken to that way, and tells Dr. Jenn, "Well, what you just said felt like a 'fuck you' to me. You didn't like that, did you." Jenna is gross, but I do love it when Dr. Jenn tries to get all high and mighty about this garbage show and people call her out on it.

Verdict

The only bit you need is this chunk at the very end, and I guarantee they'll replay the whole thing next week.