None Of The Devious Maids Is Sneakier Than One Character's Hairpiece

Citizens, just because I am a Wig Cop doesn't mean I'm insensitive about the challenges faced by the brave men and women who toil as hair and makeup artists. I understand that these talented artists' work is hampered by the raw material they have to use -- and I don't mean the Kryolan colours or Ken Pave extensions. I mean the talking props on which they must effectuate striking physical transformations: the actors.

At the end of Devious Maids's first season, reformed playboy Remi Delatour traveled to the Congo to vaccinate children. So when viewers see him again in the second season, he has to look as though he's been roughing it. Unfortunately for the makeup artists, Drew Van Acker, who plays Remi, looks like a slightly more boyish Jennifer Lawrence.

Look at that cheek. It should be starring in a Nair commercial. Women dream of getting their legs that smooth; in fact, I think I have a heavier beard than this kid does.

So just imagine you're a makeup artist, and that walks into your makeup trailer the first day of production on Season 2. You'd feel like you could just keep sticking more and more hair on him and still fail to make anything that approached convincing. You'd go through all your beards, and then add a bunch of sets of false eyelashes, and then get desperate and cover all that with ornamental moss, and then finally you'd have no choice but to call in the episode director -- who in this case also happens to be Executive Producer Eva Longoria -- and say, "I did what I could, but is there any way you could fuzz it out or something?" And she'd say, "I guess if he just called Valentina and they FaceTimed, and his face was shrunk down to the size of a smartphone screen, it wouldn't be that noticeable?" And you'd say, "Great idea, that will absolutely work."

Wrong.