Get The Best Of Bad Guys With This One Crazy Old Trick*

There is the germ of an interesting idea in Legends TNT's new drama from some of the people behind 24 and Homeland. Our hero, Martin Odum, is an undercover FBI agent, and obviously he's the best anyone's ever seen because otherwise no one would be making a TV show about him; in the pilot, he's infiltrated an anti-government militia group as his alter ego, Lincoln Dittmann, a divorced, laid-off construction worker specializing in demolition, which can be handy for such an outfit.

Meanwhile, Martin's being tailed by a shadowy figure who wants Martin to know that even if Martin thinks he's got a handle on all his "legends" (that's the undercover-officer term for assumed identities), "Martin Odom" may just be another fake persona. Can Martin remember anything that happened to him since 2006? WELL CAN HE?! The reason this part of the episode works is that by this point we've already been with Martin in a conference room at the office while all the computer nerds (including Tina Majorino, who may be Dealmaker enough to keep me watching despite what I will imminently be complaining about) whip up Social Security cards, work history, even inflammatory OLD forum posts.

So it's got undercover intrigue plus a serialized paranoid conspiracy plot. It's also got a cute blonde lady agent with whom Martin had sex at some unspecified time in the past, and even though, when we meet her, she's in standard-issue sensible ponytail and a tailored business suit, you know pretty soon there's going to be a mission that requires her to trade on her looks (and by "her looks," I mean DAT AZZ). You just don't expect her to "have to" pose as a stripper halfway through the pilot.

When I wrote this morning about responding favourably to Fringe's Olivia because she's convincingly tough, and while there's certainly plenty of time for her to make me eat those words by investigating a case in some kind of mad scientist's personal bunny ranch or some shit, I hope she doesn't. The sexy lady who surprises everyone by pulling a handgun out of her bikini bottom or delivering a roundhouse kick with a peeptoe pump at the end of it has been a TV staple at least since Charlie's Angels, and endured through Miami Vice and Alias and whatever the hell else. You know what I don't see a lot of, even on premium cable? Dude cops bringing down crime syndicates by distracting perps with their open-necked buttondowns, or low-cut briefs that just give a flash of shaft. Is that because women are criminals less often than men, and that even the ones who do make their livings through illicit means are too canny to be seduced by a big butt and a smile? Sure. BUT THERE'S NOTHING SAYING YOUR CRIME BOSS COULDN'T BE A HORNY GAY GUY THAT RUST COHLE WOULD HAVE TO SEDUCE FOR INFORMATION.

Anyway: if you always wanted to see Ali Larter relay mission specs while giving a lap dance wearing a negligee, Legends is for you. I'll give it one more episode, but if I don't see Sean Bean in at LEAST some wet Bermuda shorts, I'm out.