Nick's Birthday Surprise Is Sweet...But Is It Plausible?

In the latest New Girl, it's Jess's birthday — the first birthday celebrated by either Jess or Nick since they became a couple — and he's managed something nigh on impossible for anyone dating someone as intense and attentive as Jess: he's planned a surprise party for her, and she has no idea. Nick is justly proud of this feat not just for the high degree of difficulty but because, due to a series of disappointments borne of her excessively high expectations (opening the gift of a sweater from Cece, seeing a "Made In China" tag, and guessing that Cece is taking her to China (she isn't)), Jess has adopted a more chilled-out attitude toward her birthday: now she just goes to the movies by herself. Unfortunately for him, Nick hasn't considered that Jess might have hoped for Nick to have planned fun things for them to do together, so since he has a whole day to fill, (now) no money to fund any activities, and no imagination to come up with anything they could do for free, Jess has to spend her birthday having a very quickly prepared breakfast, the fastest sex ever, a free diabetes test at the drugstore, and poaching a little girl's cupcake party in Griffith Park. She tearfully lets Nick off the hook because she knows he's not capable of being anywhere near as demonstrative or thoughtful as she is, and follows through on her original solo movie plan...

...and that's when the real birthday fun begins. Right after the cell phone turn-off reminder comes up, there's Nick, on the screen, addressing Jess directly. As Screen Nick tells Jess to look under her seat, Real Nick sits next to her. She retrieves a folded handmade card, reads the poem that ends with "turn up the lights," and as the theatre is illuminated, all her friends leap up with noisemakers and so forth. Then they sit back down and the feature begins: it's a short documentary starring important people in Jess's life giving testimonials. Jess is overcome, Nick is the best boyfriend ever, birthday saved.

Except...what? HOW DID THIS ACTUALLY WORK?

The show anticipates the obvious question of how Nick knew where Jess was going to sit: she asks, and he says he put a copy of the note under every seat in the theatre. Let's assume that technophobe Nick learned enough basic computer skills in high school to be able to write the poem in a word processing program and print a few hundred copies. Nick then folded them all in four? And scrawled "Jess" on all of them in Sharpie?

We know how Nick spent his whole day, that Jess only went to the movies after sneaking out of the loft, and that he didn't find out until after she'd left. When did he get into the cinema and plant all the notes? And for that matter, no one tailed Jess to the movies. How did they know which theatre she was going to? Even if we stipulate that Jess has a favourite theatre, it's clear when we see her in the lobby that there's more than one screen. How did everyone know which movie she was going to see? Even if we stipulate that someone at the theatre was given a photo of Jess so that they he or she could contact Nick when she showed up and bought a ticket, that doesn't work, because the notes have to be there before she arrives!

What about anyone else who shows up wanting to see whatever movie is supposed to be playing on that screen? It's not like there can be any signs posted that indicate that the screening is cancelled for a private event, because Jess would see them. People who drive all the way there — and remember, this is L.A.; they might have come from far away, particularly if it is (as it appears to be) some kind of art-house situation showing something obscure — only to be told they did it for nothing aren't going to make a stink to the manager that Jess would witness and take note of?

Also, Jess never notices that the theatre is full of people she knows? Even if you assume that somehow she's the very first person to arrive, she doesn't glance around and think, "Hey, the back of those two heads look like Cece and Schmidt"? Even if she's distraught, it's taking a big risk to assume that she's going to be that oblivious. And (again, if we stipulate that everyone else somehow arrives after Jess does) everyone can't just sit behind her because (a) fishy, and (b) if she turns around, curious about why no one's in front of her, she'll see everyone's faces. And don't even with "some of the people are strangers to sell the illusion" because WHY WOULD ANY STRANGER AGREE TO COME SIT IN A THEATRE FOR NO REASON?

FINALLY: even if we stipulate that whatever movie is supposed to show still shows after Nick's introductory Jess biopic, are we supposed to believe that Nick can afford to buy ad space for the usual rate that a theatre chain charges to, like, Coke? And that the cost of going to Jess's surprise party is buying a ticket to whatever movie this is? And does everyone stay to watch the movie, or do they all clear out and drive to wherever the party is? And if so, why does the cake come out at the theatre?

I mean, okay, yes, it's a sweet moment for Nick, particularly given that it's such a stretch from what we know about him. I JUST WISH THE PAYOFF WASN'T SO FULL OF GIGANTIC HOLES.