I Am The Frustratingly Designed Packaging Of Fage Fruit Yogurt

I am the frustratingly designed packaging of Fage yogurt.

First, let me say I am thrilled to have extended my cultural impact -- get it? "cultural"? -- by making my début appearance in the latest episode of Silicon Valley. In an episode in which Erlich is frustrated at not being heard as a Pied Piper board member, I am one of several symbols of oppression against which Erlich takes out his feelings of impotence. Specifically, he directs his rage at Pied Piper coders living in his "incubator" who, he claims, have been using "narrow" spoons in direct contravention of Erlich's orders. Why? Because Erlich needs those spoons in order to facilitate his consumption of the dairy product I contain. And why does the enjoyment of Fage fruit yogurt require the use of a particular kind of spoon?

BECAUSE I SEGREGATE THE FRUIT COMPOTE IN A CONTAINER THAT IS VIRTUALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO ACCESS.

Sure, this episode isn't exactly a great showcase for the value Erlich brings to the Pied Piper project, which is generally, from what we can see, pretty low. Erlich's complaints about his tenants' thoughtless spoon selection in my scene are played as a diva fit from a character whose baseline is "eminently ignorable pain in the ass." And yet, if you've ever tried to eat anything out of me, you know he's absolutely right.

"Aren't you just supposed to tip the little cup plastic cup part up and dump the jam into the yogurt?" Haha, oh, Dinesh. Maybe you are "supposed to." But that's the kind of ignorant question that only someone who'd never attempted to use me would ask. I get that Dinesh isn't a hydraulic engineer, but surely if he's ever been around yogurt, he knows the viscosity of yogurt fruit flavouring is such that it can't just be dumped. It must be scraped. And a tablespoon is not the right tool for the job. I'm not even sure a large man could fit a thumb into my little fruit cup. Dinesh claims his faulty knowledge of my contents is based on information he's gleaned from the product's billboards, which are obviously not about to advertise the fact that most conventional silverware can't be used to harvest my bounty. "Half the yogurt's going to go unused because one-quarter of the jam can't come out!" Erlich claims -- and if you've ever tried to work me with a tablespoon, you know that estimate is low.

If Erlich were really serious about yogurt, he'd take some of his Aviato money to Target and invest in some baby spoons -- the smaller the better. Experienced Fage fruit yogurt consumers know it's the only piece of cutlery that's actually suitable for navigating my confounding corners and minuscule fruit cup, and they know how I'll respond if they try to bring a shovel to do a doll spoon's job.