Will Modelling In A Fashion Show Boost Katie's Confidence (And Standing)?

Black is white! Up is down! No one is occupying the same position on the chart that she was last week! TEEN MOM MADNESSSSSSSSSSS!

Briana

Briana's whole plotline this week was basically a commercial for abortions. If all the shots of Briana's sister Brittany -- who, remember, was pregnant at the same time Briana was, but decied to terminate her pregnancy -- and her friends on their carefree road trip to Nashville had the sound mixed out and was cut together in a montage of unencumbered happiness and a title card at the end for Planned Parenthood? Come on. But even as Briana pouted around the house that she didn't get to go because she had her baby, as Brittany hadn't, the worst problem Briana had to deal with this week was that she was kind of bored -- which stands to reason, because taking care of a baby is boring. Briana's mother Roxanne was loving and helpful and made sure to tell Briana that she is not, despite her fears, a burden, and Brittany stayed away just long enough for Briana and Roxanne (and baby Nova, probably) to miss her. The second-worst problem Briana had to deal with this week was, of course, Nova taking a shit so epic that it required her to be cut out of her clothes. Impressive.

Mackenzie

This week in Mackenzie, the rodeo just happened to come to town, which conveniently let Mackenzie open the door to ask her fiancé Josh whether he still misses rodeo-ing very much. (If you'll recall, Josh had planned to go into rodeo-ing professionally -- I guess? -- in her 16 And Pregnant, but he'd suffered several concussions, and then after a serious neck injury, he stopped, to Mackenzie's relief, since she feared that he'd eventually have a catastrophic fall and get paralyzed, or worse.) What do you know, Josh would like to start riding broncs again. And since Mackenzie is also passionate about a dangerous sport -- the single most dangerous sport women participate in these days, in fact -- it would be hypocritical of her not to support Josh in his potentially life-threatening hobby. I have to give it up for Mackenzie: I'd have reacted pretty much exactly as her mother Angie does, but Mackenzie's logic is unassailable, and she remains firm in her position in a respectful yet determined way. Very mature. Josh: please don't break your neck. Uh, you either, Mackenzie.

Alex

Alex and Mackenzie probably find lots to talk about at TM3 reunions, what with their boyfriends both enjoying life-threatening hobbies -- in Matt's case, drug addiction. Alex ticks up one notch in the rankings this week because Matt has left and stayed gone; and because she's seeking the counsel of her younger siblings, Arielle and Killian (who are remarkably mature for, I'm guessing, still being pre-teens), who are both done with Matt and don't think she should try to deal with him at all. I guess I see her mother Wendy's point that Alex should talk to a therapist about the way she reacts to Matt when he fucks up; Alex should probably be in therapy for a variety of reasons stemming from her unfortunate circumstances. But I'm not sure I agree with Wendy 100% on her police work when she says that Alex can't get so angry at Matt. To me, getting angry at a junkie when he's irresponsible with your child is healthy and normal. Regardless: Alex is setting good boundaries with Matt and calling him on it when he's clearly nodding out in front of her and Arabella in the middle of the afternoon, so as long as he is not in her house, she's doing better.

Katie

Poor Katie. All she wants is to model a bridal gown in a local fashion show and feel pretty for one day as opposed to her usual state of baby survival co-ordinator. She's self-conscious enough when she's told that she'll also have to walk in lingerie, and doesn't feel sexy because she's a normal human and doesn't have the same body now that she did before she was pregnant. But instead of reassuring her that she looks great and will do great, Joey is a fucking asshole. He complains that she'll be wearing lingerie in public when she never does it for him, and won't let himself be mollified when she cutely tells him that she'll really be wearing it on the runway just for him. At the show, he already starts to turn on her when she's still in the wedding dress, presumably because she seems to be having too much fun. And when she does come out in a pretty modest get-up, he goes all stony and stalks outside before she's even completed her walk. In case she wasn't sure whether he planned to be a total cock for the rest of the night, he does her the courtesy of making it clear.

I know that Katie is a child of divorce and that it's important to her not to repeat her parents' mistakes with her own child, but she is better off alone than married to an emotionally abusive prick.