'Are You Implying That I'm Still Single Because I'm Dirty? Did My Mother Send You Over Here?!'
Only we know what these extras in a Cottonelle ad — shot at a wedding — were really thinking.
"Yes, let's definitely talk about defecation between passed hors d'oeuvres. Am I concerned about getting rid of every bit of feces from my body whenever I go to the bathroom? Sure! Hey, where'd that waiter go with the deviled eggs?"
"Why are you asking about my bathroom routine at my younger sister's wedding? Are you implying that I'm still single because I'm dirty? Did my mother send you over here?!"
"What's your name again? Cherry? Cherry, let me just let you in on a little secret. I am not the most receptive audience for your analogy about cleaning up my butt as carefully as I would clean up a spill in a kitchen. On any given day, my kitchen is much dirtier than my ass."
"Pause it right...now. That's me! She did try to talk to me about toilet paper or whatever but I wouldn't sign the release thingy. I don't need to be on TV talking about going to the bathroom! What if Cody saw it?"
"Okay, REAL FUNNY, who put a box of wet butt wipes on the gift table? Randy, was it you? You thought it would be hilarious to make a comment on the wedding by implying that all the presents could lick your ass? Todd, are you just going to let your brother ruin our special day like that? TODD. I AM TALKING TO YOU. THIS IS SETTING THE TONE FOR OUR ENTIRE MARRIAGE."