Clockwise from top left: Luvs; Cheerios; Chrysler

Television

The TV Commercial Parents Who Don't Want To Kill Their Children Or Themselves Hall Of Fame

Recognizing excellence in the art of selling products by making parenting look like something other than a joyless, interminable slog.

Tara Ariano
 

For those of us who have chosen not to have children, the experience of raising them -- as portrayed in television advertising basically looks like...this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mDhlFaDKt8I

We know better, of course! We're aunts and uncles and big sisters and brothers! We've had very happy interactions with children in our real lives! This child shrieking about her mother's headache is a gross exaggeration of reality!

(But do we suspect that every child has this kind of obnoxiousness lying in wait to break out at exactly the wrong moment? Yes, of course. That's why we don't have children. Duh.)

However, because it is so rare for TV commercials to make parenting seem like anything other than a grimly Sisyphean torture, we feel it's important to congratulate those few brands that portray parenting as though it has the potential to be fun, and parents as people who still have a sense of humour about themselves. Let's count them down from "great" to "super-awesome"!

  1. Failing To Stick A Cork In It For Whirlpool Washing Machines

    How many times does a parent futilely beg a child not to poop on him?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0FvlqlICgk

    Please express your answer in thousands. Much respect for the creative who successfully snuck "poop" into a TV ad.

  2. Hoofing It For Honey Nut Cheerios

    Basic kids want to take gymnastics or tae kwon do or some baloney. But if you're lucky, you might end up with a kid who's ready to star on Randy Jackson Presents America's Best Dance Crew.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=klDDHU8HZp4&feature=youtu.be

    Today: Honey Nut Cheerios. Tomorrow: killing it on "Single Ladies" on the Formation Tour.

  3. Walking Back Grand Pronouncements For State Farm

    This is a useful reminder that even a choad who'll sit poolside and scream that he's never getting married can eventually turn into a person.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1Z91YkPatw

    If I'm being completely honest, the guy's declarations don't really do it for me; the moment that earned this ad its spot in the rankings is when he crabs, "We're never having another kid" and she tosses "I'm pregnant" over her shoulder without even slowing down. She deserves an Emmy for that line reading alone.

  4. Identifying Most Of A Brood For The Chrysler Pacifica

    Jim Gaffigan is arguably the most famous dad comic working today...

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGEm8Lct2rs

    ...which is why I love how readily he's willing to pretend that he doesn't remember the names of all his million kids. Or admit it?

  5. Greasing Up For Luvs

    All these "First Kid"/"Second Kid" ads are great, but this one is my favourite.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZMhHzucl9lI

    Considering that this baby is definitely coated in feces half of every day, that mechanic is probably clean enough. If not, the baby will be so well lubricated he can slide right into the tub.

Tara Ariano