Ask A Spooky Cartel Enforcer

Your friends are wrong. They are children. If you use this man's cowardly store credit, he will have beaten you. You might just as well clean his boots with your tongue and your tears as use his store credit. What you must do now is simple. Return to the store under cover of night. Break in. Resist the urge to loot it of any other pieces of clothing that may have struck your eye on previous visits: for you to wear his merchandise is an honour he does not deserve. Instead, use a small blade to cut tiny slashes in every item that will not be noticed until customers try them on. (Make sure not to cut along a seam that could be mended.) This will take time, but nothing worth doing is easily done. As the sun begins to rise and you take your leave, put your store credit slip in the middle of the checkout counter, pinned under a pile of your feces. Then go treat yourself to a whole new suit for your event. You've earned it.

Cut his nose off. Lonny will be a great deal more careful about how he takes red lights if he fears one of those cameras will capture an image of his ruined face. And take the cost of the ticket out of his allowance. No pin money means no more late-night french fries for Lonny.

Once there was a man who had no respect for other people's condiments. His only concern when he was enjoying food was his own satisfaction. The idea that his greed might keep others from flavourful snacks and meals never crossed his mind. His family and friends could smell his perfidy on his breath. It usually smelled like garlic. One day, a young woman who shared his pantry had to make a quick lunch to take with her for a trip to the border -- why she was going there is not important. She laid out the bread to make a peanut butter sandwich, but when she opened the jar, she saw that the man had sinned against her. He had put away an empty jar. He had left her nothing. She had no time to arrange another meal. She went to work so hungry she could hardly concentrate. All she could think about was the peanut butter sandwich he had kept her from eating. And when she returned that night, she took the jar from the cupboard, carefully cut it into jagged points, came upon the man when he slept, and used one of the jar pieces to stab him through the tongue. Now all his meals are very bland. Tell your girlfriend this story and ask her if she is ready to eat nothing but lukewarm, unseasoned mush. You might also both start using the Grocery IQ app, which is very convenient for households with shared shopping lists.