Creeping On Your Estranged Kid Was A Lot Easier Before Google

Two episodes into this season of The Fosters, things are kind of crappy for Callie...again. After coming to terms with the idea that the man who raised her actually isn't her biological father, the guy who apparently did donate the sperm that led to her conception is reportedly not just the kind of scumbag who'd leave a pregnant girlfriend; he's also a rich jerk who makes demands on other people's time -- a DNA test for Callie, in this case -- and then doesn't bother getting to the meeting himself. And after this display of bad manners, Callie finally discovers that she knows more about this dude than she thought: why, he's the vanilla milkshake fan who keeps showing up at the burger stand where she works and making small talk with her!

But the thing is that if you're going to pull this kind of power play, you don't also get to stalk the biological offspring you're looking into. Because it's 2014 and Google exists. Pretty lucky for Robert Quinn that it took Callie so long to remember that herself!

Here's my first issue with how this plotline has gone down: Googling Robert Quinn wasn't the first thing Callie did as soon as she'd learned his name? I mean, think of how many times you've Googled people who've had farrrrrrrrrr less impact on your life. I barely get through any TV show without hitting IMDb to see where this or that actor has appeared before. I've Googled people my friends work with or that they're dating. I've definitely Googled names from Catfish to see exactly how dumb or lazy the people who need Max and Nev to track them down actually are. Callie's long-dreamt-of adoption is being held up by a guy whose name she now knows. She doesn't want to find out what his deal is as soon as possible?

Let's say for the sake of argument that Callie doesn't Google Robert Quinn because she doesn't want to find out anything bad. Her last dad did just get out of prison; if her biological father is, apparently, ungallant at the very least, maybe she wouldn't want to find out that much more about him at first. But what about when he makes the request for a DNA test -- she doesn't get curious then? I mean, even if we assume that the DNA business is SOP for a rich guy, you'd think that if the unclaimed kid is trying to sever the relationship -- and thus not make any attempt to put her grubby little urchin hands on his money -- he'd just sign whatever. And by this point, Callie knows he's wealthy and some kind of local success story; she could reasonably guess that there would be local coverage of him that might tell her what might make him extra-cautious about giving up his parental rights with regard to her.

And that leads to the next less-than-credible element of the story. The big reveal, as the episode ends, is that Quinn's been creeping on Callie because he's trying to work up the nerve to give her this letter from her half-sister. But by the time this encounter happens, Callie's already Googled him. This other kid is apparently part of his public life, in the sense that he's been raising her, from what we can tell. Her name and details wouldn't be part of the bio Callie found online?

Finally, there's the fact that Robert Quinn has continued to come to the burger stand and had enough interactions with Callie that he knows she recognizes them and they have a rapport. Why would he count on the fact that Callie wouldn't Google him at any point? Shouldn't he have the sense to understand that every time he clapped an eye on her after that very first time he was pushing his luck? I would ask why everyone is behaving as though it's 1991, except that if Robert Quinn is some kind of local celebrity, a 1991 Callie could go to her public library's special collections and find a whole folder of clippings about him, any one of which would feature his picture. I know because in 1991 CUTTING OUT AND FILING THOSE ARTICLES AT THE PUBLIC LIBRARY WAS MY ACTUAL JOB.

The craziest part of all this is not that I'm so invested in a show for children (though that is...on the list). It's that any actual teenager watching this has never been conscious of a time before Google -- and has probably had a smartphone for more than half her life. This show's target audience is faster thumb-typing than doing just about any other thing. But maybe they'll be so busy empathizing with Brandon's sad romantic plight and his sad manual plight that they won't notice Callie's curious lack of curiosity where her biological father is concerned. But I did!

...and maybe that was just because I was trying to distract myself from how gray Jack McPhee got since I saw him last and, relatedly, the reminder of much closer we now both are to the grave.