MTV
9 Reasons To Watch Clone High That Only Someone Who's Watched It 500 Times Can Tell You
Confined to the first two episodes of the season, airing tonight, because otherwise it would be 9000 reasons.
For a while, Phil Lord and Chris Miller were respected writer-directors of feature films of the sort you might have to work kind of hard to convince some of your friends to check out, like Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs and the movie adaptation of 21 Jump Street, until The Lego Movie became the breakout hit that made the whole world need to know more about them. It was around this time that some media commentators dug into their IMDb profiles and dug up what was, at that time, a little-known single-season TV series called Clone High, the project that started Lord and Miller on their path to show business dominance. Some of us, who'd been enrolled at Clone High since it first started airing in Canada, might have been a little peevish suddenly to find ourselves surrounded by Johnny-F.-Kennedy-come-latelys, but only a little: regardless of when viewers first experience it, having more people on the planet to laugh at "Kiwi...mangooooooooo" is a win for humanity.
And, tonight, even more people are getting a chance to try to get on the bandwagon: MTV Classic -- which, until recently, was VH1 Classic, in case you're looking for it on your cable guide -- is airing the show's one and only season, two at a time (along with a bunch of other beloved series from MTV's storied past, including Daria, Jackass, and Cribs). I won't bore you with the basics of why you should watch -- blah blah voice talent like Will Forte and Donald Faison; blah blah Bill Lawrence imprimatur; blah does for history what Futurama did for both sci-fi and science. I'll just leave its explanatory opening credits sequence right here...
...so that you know what it's about, and then tell you -- from my personal experience of having watched the series front to back an embarrassing number of times -- what elements of tonight's two episodes are the best inducements for you to make some room for Clone High on your DVR and in your heart.
- It's Got A Joey Potter You Can Root For
The premise of Clone High is that it's a spoof of teen dramas -- every episode is "a very special episode" -- except its cast members are all teenaged clones of historical figures. Fans of Beverly Hills, 90210 will instantly recognize visual references like this...
...and the love triangle of teen guy torn between hot near-stranger and platonic female friend is, of course, straight out of Dawson's Creek -- a reference the show makes explicit.
But while Joan Of Arc -- Clone High's Joey Potter analog -- has her moments of lip-chewing self-pity, she starts out far more direct about her feelings for Abe (a.k.a. the clone of Abraham Lincoln) than Joey ever was with Dawson, and in the first two episodes alone, we see her get revenge on a guy who crossed her -- party animal Gandhi -- with an assist from teen Van Gogh...
...and mastermind a political campaign in opposition to Abe's when she thinks he's betraying his principles. What she doesn't do is warble any ballads from Les Misérables.
- Its Humour Is Dark
All five of the show's main teen characters -- Joan, Abe, Gandhi, Cleopatra, and JFK -- are clones of political figures who were assassinated, and the show assumes you know that. This is their hangout:
And as Abe tells Joan, "I'm a genetic duplicate of Abe Lincoln and I'm not fit to be [class] president. If I only knew what fears and insecurities were holding me back!," this is the art in their booth.
You think you've seen negative campaigning in 2016? Not Joan Of Arc-style.
- "He'd Also Like You To Believe He's Not A Baby Eater"
"But he's never gone on record saying he isn't. Maybe he's too busy eating babies!"
- You Think That Baby Was Cute? THERE IS ALSO A PUPPY
Look at this idiot!
Don't act like you wouldn't want him as your president.
- ...And An Anthropomorphized Kidney Voiced By Michael J. Fox...
Cleo is very popular and therefore can't remember Gandhi even though he gave her one of his kidneys. Cut to:
A bravura one-line performance by a comedy legend that must be heard to be believed.
- ....And George Washington Carver's Bioengineered Anthropomorphic Peanut
Eventually, you will see this fellow playing the villain in a spy thriller, but for now...
"I'd shake your hands, but you know: peanut arms!"
- It Puts Its Celebrity Cameo Artists To Good Use
Yes, beyond Michael J. Fox as a kidney: we also get to see Marilyn Manson as a moderator of a high school election debate who ends up singing a song about the food pyramid.
Hardcore AND educational!
- It Brought The World Principal Scudworth
Presiding over all the proceedings is the unhinged functionary installed by the Board Of Shadowy Figures: Principal Cinnamon J. Scudworth.
Scudworth is servile with the Board but always secretly working on a scheme of his own: to kidnap all the clones and make them the star attraction of his theme park, Cloney Island.
However, Scudworth is also an idiot, and is frequently sidetracked by distractions like sneaker-based envy or grudges from his own high school days. The clones get a lot of mileage out of what the audience knows about their progenitors' real lives; Scudworth is a completely original character, and he is bananas.
- And Also Mr. Butlertron
Reasonable people can disagree on whether Scudworth or Mr. Butlertron -- who was clearly meant to be called "Mr. Belvetron" until some overly cautious network lawyer got involved -- is the superior character.
Though I guess the fact that I've put him last sort of tips you that he might be my favourite. Will he be yours? Let's all watch the series together and find out!
Clone High (re-)airs two episodes back to back on Thursdays, starting at 10:30 PM, on MTV Classic -- or, if you can't wait, it's also available for purchase on both DVD and digital.